In the US, Thanksgiving and Christmas are quickly approaching. Whether you celebrate any of the holidays or not, I’m confident that you will be faced with a myriad of choices that:
- Cause you to need to be in 78 places at once
- Question whether or not you can or are willing to assist with all of the favors asked of you
- Put you in a weird position to answer questions that are frankly nobody’s business but you and Jesus
Today I want to give you four ways to say no during the holidays, sparing you from the anxiety, overwhelm, depression, and frustration that can come from attempting to be too many things to too many people this season.
ONE: Know your boundaries before you say yes.
Proverbs 4:23 NLT
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
One of the greatest ways to protect ourselves during the holiday season and all year round is to know where you stand.
Do you have your own value statement for how you prefer to live your life? Do you know the things that are important to you right now? What you desire to be around, and what drains your soul?
The more aware you are of your values, the more aware you’ll be when someone or something begins to violate them.
Knowing your boundaries before placing yourself into certain situations will prevent you from giving a yes when a no is warranted.
TWO: Know that your boundaries are unique to you
In my earlier years, I was a drunk. I don’t drink at all anymore, and while the first few years I was offered drinks everywhere I went, that changed over time. My close friends and family now make sure that I have options at their events, let others know that they need to back off of me with the pressure, and treat me and my choices with respect.
I don’t need them to do this for me, but I LOVE that they do.
When you respect and honor your own boundaries, the people in
your life will do the same. The more you stand firm on your “No,” the more the people around you will either respect it or get tired of hearing it and move on to the next.
Stand firm, steadfast, and immovable (1 Corinthians 15:58). You’ve got this.
THREE: Know that FOMO does not kill you.
The fear of missing out can seem like a death sentence for some. But I promise you, not making an event, being in the group pictures, and missing a bit of fun will not kill you or your reputation.
It might suck, which sucks. But if you are having to go off of 48 hours of no sleep, don’t have the funds, or have already committed to a family event with your spouse, for instance, then you have to respect the limits of your body, the limits of your bank account, and the limits of how many times you can clone yourself.
Sometimes we just need to guard our health, finances, and relationships.
Of course, there are always workarounds to some things, but this point is just a reminder that life will go on. IG stories and Snaps will disappear in literally 24 hours. Eventually, people will st
op talking about it, and you get to continue to move forward with things that make sense for you at the moment.
FOUR: Know how to say no.
In Matthew 5:37, the writer says, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.” For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”
Your word means a lot. So, when we say we are going to do something, we should plan on doing it. This is why saying yes, when you really don’t know if you are going to make it or are really planning on not making it is no good.
If we are honest with ourselves, a lot of us don’t want people to feel bad or be mad at us for giving a no. However, honoring our limits, boundaries, and even desires is a skill that can be learned even when others do not agree with us.
If you have to give a, “I don’t know right now, I will let you know as soon as I do.” That is better than a yes or no that you are uncertain of.
I often hear that “No” is a complete sentence. And it is. It can also be respectful to give a little more explanation to people that you love and who love you back when necessary.
Are you uncertain about how to say, “No?”
Here are a few ways:
“I’ve decided not to go because _____.”
“I don’t want to do that.”
“No, thank you.”
“I’m sorry I can’t. Next time.” (Only if you really are sorry and will really want to do it next time.)
“Please don’t do that.”
“I’m not comfortable with that.”
“I can’t do that for you.”
“I can’t help you with that.”
“That is not something I desire to talk about in a public forum.”
“My schedule is booked. I won’t be able to make it.”
“I don’t have the finances for that.”
“I’m tired and need to sleep. I have a long week ahead.”
Family can be tough, especially parents and elders. Guilt trips are real. Know what your boundaries are this holiday season. Really take some time out to figure them out. Be respectful. If you can, inform them early on of what can or cannot happen on your part. And stand your ground.
So quick recap:
ONE: Know your boundaries before you say yes.
TWO: Know that your boundaries are unique to you.
THREE: Know that FOMO does not kill you.
FOUR: Know how to say no.
If you have a therapist, this is the perfect time to meet with them to prep for the season where you’ll love to give many a yes, but need to give some a no.
All my love,
Melanie
Want to join me in finding peace, clarity, and joy in more moments of your day?
Sign up for the free Thirty-One Days of Thanks challenge starting Dec 1, 2019. Learn more about here.
